The following story is about a paladin couple, a cake, a priest and an abomination. Also has a cameo from Stitches.

This story was conceived by player Serendiety to explain the reasoning for her protection of the chocolate cake. Please note that this story is for entertainment value only and is not present anywhere in game at this time.

The Chocolate Cake Edit


Flour, butter, milk, eggs, melted chocolate bars, sugar, and cream. Stirred, whisked, whipped and poured. Mits on, oven preheated, and cake pans pushed into it's belly.

Carmel eyes peered in on the cake as it baked, twinkling with delight. They were those of a young paladin woman, Kristallen. She hummed happily as she moved back to her baking block, tossing together the mixture for twenty Naked Blueberry pies. Her youth shined from within. Her hair was silky and curled at the end as it rested on her shoulders, and her dress and apron were sprinkled in flour.

Kristy Creams was booming, her daughter giggling in the playpen she had set up in the corner, and her husband was out in the dining room mingling with the customers. He was always more sociable than her, and she loved him dearly.

Two more pies in the oven, one special order cake placed on the counter to cool.

"No climbing, Mary Ann," she called in a warm tone as her daughter slid back down to her bottom. An escape attempt foiled but never mind, she had found a muffin her mother had given her. Two more pies in, two out.

Milk, more melted chocolate, more butter and one egg. Stirred, whisked, whipped. A finger dipped and then licked clean, a smile and delightful "Mm" to rate the flavor. She gathered a butter knife from her utensil drawer, dipping it into the bowl. She spread it all around the cake, letting layers of the icing fold back on the edges, making a decorative outline. Just then, Makkius ventured into the tavern, moving behind Krista to kiss at her neck and squeeze her into a hug. "Mm... you smell like blueberry. Mary looks sleepy... we could always head up stairs for a few minutes." He moved his kisses to her shoulders as the young woman blushed and giggled.

"Makkius! We have customers, and I have pies..." A kiss to the collarbone, up the neck and a nip at her ear as his pleads were whispered into it. She whimpered, her proper nature causing her to shrink into her shoulders as she smiled back at him.

"Alright." She said, moving from her finished cake toward Mary. She pulled her into her arms, noting the girl was indeed tired. A glance back to her husband, a wink, and then she whisked herself and her daughter up the stairs to the nursery.


Makkius peered over the cake, knowing more about it's future owner than his wife did. He sighed, eying it's perfection. A glance over his shoulder confirmed he was alone. He let his hands hover over it as he recited a blessing of salvation. The cake was surrounded by the aura, soon soaking it in as was intended. "Damn you, Ozmir."


Later that evening the cake was sent for delivery by a young messenger boy. An orphan Makkius had found and given coin to. He had told the boy to seek out guards with the coins, for his protection. The boy had let his greed get in the way of such things though. It was a cake delivery, how hard could it be?

He traveled from the busy streets of Stormwind to the gryphon, begging his way into a free ride. He held onto the back of the rich traveler who had let him share his gryphon, clutching the cake tightly. He thought the entire time, how easy it would be to eat it. He'd be full for a good while. The merchant would never know. He put aside those thoughts, finding himself satisfied enough with the coins.

The gryphon flew over Darkshire, landing at the flight point as the Town Crier was shouting something to the town. Townsfolk rushed the town square with pitchforks and torches, shotguns and swords. The poor orphan was pushed from one side to the other in the scurry, finding his eyes peering upon a beast he'd only read about in story books.

"It's Stitches! He's back! Here, boy, take arm! SLAY THE BEAST!" A man shouted to him, shoving an old shotgun into his hands. His eyes went wide and he was petrified for a moment. He watched the men approach. Some got shots off, some pierced the beast's skin, but some also got their arms ripped from their socket or eaten right from their dangling bodies. He had seen all he needed too.

He rushed toward the long road leading to his destination, running as fast as he could. He passed wolves, and huge spiders without noticing. His mind was stuck on the images he had seen, traumatized by them. He finally came upon Raven Hill, where he had been told to deliver the cake. The sign was written in... mud? Red mud, maybe? He wasn't sure. 'Rusty Spoon' is what it read. He ran inside, slamming the door behind him and locking it.

Soft foot steps came around the corner, an elven woman peering down at him. He looked up to her, eying over her beauty. He was instantly entranced by her. "Oh, dear. You look rushed. The cake! You have the cake?" She pushed passed him, snatching up his bag and pulling the cake from the satchel. She sighed. "Oh good... it's safe."

"M-may I... M-may I have some, miss?" The boy asked. The elven woman peered down to him a moment in silence. She gave a soft smile and nodded, guiding him into the tavern. She moved toward the bar after stepping over broken tables and chairs. She placed it in the corner before peering back at the boy.

"Do you know what it is you have delivered? How important of a little boy you are? You have saved him." She knelt down as the boy came towards her. She hugged him in a motherly way. "Still a child, aren't you?"

"N-no madam! I'm a man. Fourteen this year, I am!" She pulled back, eying him over.

"A man? Well then. You may bare witness to what you have done." She went behind the bar, retrieving an old chocolate cake from under the counter and placing it by the new one. She pulled the glass cover from it, cutting off a slice and handing it to the boy on a plate. "Eat this, I'll be one moment." She left the room, allowing the boy his final meal before returning with a large sack and a book. She pulled seven vials of blood from the sack, pouring each on the old Chocolate Cake as the boy watched. His mouth was gaped, stunned and frozen in his place. "Blood from seven adults..." She said, eying him with delight.

She then pulled out small bones, from children, laying them out in a row beside the cake. "Bones from six children..." She then opened the book to which an eerie red glow appeared around her. She began reading the words on it's pages, a poem in another language. It seemed silly and childlike in how she recited it but he couldn't make out the verbiage. As she finished and the book was closed, the bones rattled and seemed to stand up, dancing around the cake.

A puff of black smoke arose from the cake and a sinister laugh came from it's belly. As it faded, what appeared to be a robed man with a Scythe was left in it's wake. He eyed the boy, clapping his hands together in delight. "Oh! A welcome home present! You are too good to me, my love!" Exclaimed the shade. He hopped from the bar, peering into the eyes of the ghostly white boy. "I'm Ozmir, and I'm going to eat you now!" He said in a happy voice. He stood straight up, opening his robe to the little boy. His chest bore a large, side ways mouth that opened up to greet the now screaming boy. A large spined tongue rolled out, wrapping around the child before pulling him into the abomination's mouth. Large crunching could be heard along with screaming as the robe was closed.

Ozmir leaned over the counter, stroking the elven woman's chin before licking her from jawline to temple. "Mm... You still taste good. Is that vanilla?"

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